Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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