he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
