a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
