I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
