I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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