Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this just has baby written all over it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
