yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
