I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
