oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
