Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
