Screwed.edu
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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