escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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