Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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