I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
