Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
