I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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