he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
