I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize