i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
