I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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