My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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