eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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