i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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