drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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