oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God, I missed his penis.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
