Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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