you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
