dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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