We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
