Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
