Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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