The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
