I look better un-naked...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
