brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
