the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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