Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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