We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
