its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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