I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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