I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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