So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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