Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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