also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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