All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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