If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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