Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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