Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Even my vagina gasped.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
