Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Vodka?
Forever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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