never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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