Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
