you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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