my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Alive.
So much puke
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
