I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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