Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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