I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
