My sheets look like a crime scene.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
