the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
