Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
