and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
