I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
