I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
