sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
